It's almost Christmas

The Nativity 

The Birth of Our Lord Jesus

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It's actually about 12 hours away before midnight, the eve of Christmas. Everyone is busy preparing for the midnight mass and the Noche Buena. I used to spend days cooking, baking and setting the table for  Christmas parties, class parties, Noche Buena and the  Christmas Lunch / Reunion of both sides of our family.  There would be about 80 to 100 persons coming over for Christmas lunch. 

Since Nanay died, nobody comes over to our house on Christmas day. I didn't want Christmas to happen. There was one Christmas when all my decors were color blue.  I needed to put up the tree for my son.  He didn't have to feel the sadness and the emptiness I was feeling then. There were several times that I was even away,  out of the country or in transit on an airplane.  I didn't want to come home to an empty house.

I used to cry every night.  I still do sometimes but only allow myself to cry for five minutes. 

This year and every year since Nanay's demise, we just stay home.  I let the household help go on a Christmas break.  The Son and the Hubby go to my sister in law's house for early dinner and they'd be back home before midnight.  

On Christmas day, the three of us order take out and watch dvd's all day. while the rest of the world, that is, those relatives and friends who used to hold their family reunions in our house have their own parties, and no one, not one, ever invited the three of us to any of their gatherings. 

There was a time when I realized that there was One who wanted the three of us to be merry and join His celebration.  Happy birthday dear Jesus!  So sorry if I had forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. It isn't about reunions, parties, games or gift giving. It is only about You. Thank you for your unconditional love!

Love & Laugh!